BLUF has always stood in my heart and leather has always been my main fetish, but this has become a thing I have to step away from for some time now. Which has been a hard choice but a necessary one.
But a month ago I started a group on Facebook called:
Check it out here
Which is a group for gay fetish men who may be in recovery and want a safe space to chat with other gay men without the risk of alcohol and party drugs.
Or maybe you just choose not to drink or use anything mind altering.
But what ever your reason may be, it's not really that important. It's a non-judgmental space and the main focus is fetish in all forms.
I want to share why someone like me would start a page like this.
My name is Ralf, also know as Roco to some “WOOF” or Bluf: 2425. I have been on the fetish scene for over 10 years. I am 2 time title winner - Mr Leather Denmark 2008 and Mr Leather Europe 2008, which I did in my early 20s and I am still very proud of that.
I would go to events like Spike Hamburg, BLF Easter Berlin, Folsom Berlin & San Francisco.
I then moved to London and as many other gay men here I sometimes enjoyed a little extra fun at the party in the form of drugs, but it was just that, a little bit of extra fun.
But then came the cruising apps and a whole world of sleazy “fun” open up. After few years, the drugs changed, and my weekends started to turn into more then just wild Saturdays in fetish clubs. It could easily turn into 2-3 days straight at private 'chill outs' with no sleep, sometimes even longer.
Slowly my fetish changed into mainly drugs with Fetish, which I began to hate. I started to hate what putting my leathers on would mean. I would go out with all the best intentions in the world, just a few drinks. But it would always turn into a mess with black outs, with no idea how many guys I'd had or where I had been.
Then around one and half years ago, after a long time of trying to get it under control, I ended up in A&E, with such extreme paranoia I could not tell reality from fiction. I had hit rock bottom and needed to really change things.
I would love to say that it all stopped there and then. But it would take me a year more of relapsing, with 2 more visits to A&E, before I now feel like I am getting it under control with support from the amazing services at “Antidote” & “London Friend”, my friends who stuck with me & my wonderful family.
I am proud to say I am now 6 months clean and not had a drink since July last year. It is still a work in progress but I feel strong and ready for what life will bring next.
So why this group,
For me and lots of other gay men, fetish has become problematic, with the amount of drugs and alcohol that there is on the scene.
There is a lot of stigma around people with alcohol and drug addiction.
If only it was that easy. I share my story to show sometimes things do spin out of control, but you can find your feet again with the right help and understanding.
I want to breakdown some of the stigma around it all. Some may think we are bad people. But the truth of the matter is, it can happen to anyone and you will not see it coming.
I hope in the future, if there is interest and enough support around my group, that I could organise party’s with fetish in a safe environment, without drug taking, drinking or for that matter poppers. Or socialise in a group of sober proud Fetish men at regular party's, which would work as support no matter if you are in recovery or not.
For me, I am still on my journey, starting to engage with my kink side again in a healthy way and get back to my fetish community which I still care for, even if it has been from the sidelines.
But check out my group and let start breaking down barriers around Fetish, Gay health and what’s it means to be happy.
If you have any questions about what I written, please do contact me on:
Anything you write will of course be confidential.
If you feel you need support and live in London, I would suggest checking out Dean Street, Antidote or London Friend which all offer amazing help around problems with alcohol and drug addiction for LGBT+ Community.
#ClearHeadClearFetish #Sober #SoberFetish #SoberGay #SoberKink #RealClearFetish #RCF